Anxiety 🙃😎

Day 60

Basically 2 full months writing this blog.  I may fail now and then on posting on time, but the whole idea still stands.  For the last few days, I’ve been feeling like I’m drowning in a glass of water due to my mind racing with many things at the same time and not really having time to wind down, and then things keep happening that keep on adding to my anxiety, while at the same time, other things happened that calm me down a bit.

But nevertheless, there’s a saying in Spanish that goes “al mal tiempo, buena cara” which roughly translates as “to bad weather, (put on) a good face”, and basically means that you have to keep a good attitude and fight the tough times, and thankfully that’s my whole attitude but I do have to accept that I’m no superman and that internally I may feel bad.

Is not a sad feeling, or feeling down, is just more of anxiety and stress and well, I just need to go through it.  The thing is that, just “stupid” things add to my stress level, for example yesterday I had two situations which got me overthinking:

  1. The father of one of my friends passed away, my friend happens to live in Vancouver, Canada and his father in the Dominican Republic, so he had to get back home as soon as possible, understandably so, but me, living abroad, started thinking about a situation like that with any of my family members.  Let's say I was adding anxiety to something I should not be thinking about.
  2. My mom texted me right after work just to ask me how was I doing, and replied with “I’m good I’ll give you a call a bit later” and that never happened because I had dinner, took a shower and laid down on my bed just to pet one of my cats and ended up falling asleep the whole night (mind you that I started petting my cat at around 8:30PM) – I woke up at around 4:30AM / 5AM and internally was throwing a few fucks because I did not call my mom.

And what is more mind-blowing for me is that I don’t feel like playing videogames, watching TV or movies, or sitting down on my computer for nonsense, or fool around with my cellphone, nor I feel like I want to “just sleep”.  I need to find a better way to relax, some may say “just go the gym” but that doesn’t work for me, what I will do though, in case this keeps on going, is just to go out biking and gather with my friends to talk shit. 

Yesterday was a day where I spent a good chunk of the afternoon texting with Henry, just chatting about life and throwing jokes left and right, that did help.  And I may repeat that sooner rather than later.

Peace out.

 

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