Feeling defeated

Day 32

Looking back, one thing that I never really liked about my college years was how competitive the environment felt. I always had that feeling that everyone was on a race to be the very best and I didn't have that urge to overachieve or be the best of the class.

I honestly wanted to be done with school, and don't get me wrong, I did enjoy my time there and met amazing people that until today still very close friends, and we did support each other yet the environment caused me a fair share of anxiety cause you never wanted to stay behind, drop a class, fail an exam, etc cause comments around will acuse you of a slacker or not good enough, or whatever nonsense kids would say then.

Most wouldn't say that to your face, but you would hear how they refered to or talked about the "old" students at college and in part that had me lose a good amount of hair because I never wanted to become the "old" student who was simply not good enough.

That said, and adding the fact I'm not really a sports guy, I kind of hate losing at something I'm supposed (or used to be) good at and it frustrasted me a little, even if it is something as meaningless as some rounds at Super Smash Brothers Ultimate.

Sitting down with my old friends, and losing every fucking single round in a roughly 3 hours of play was fun in the sense of reliving old memories, but frustrating because I used to be very good at that game, and beating my friend Luis gave me a weird satisfaction back in the day.

Nowadays, I suck and fuck that.  I'll put some hours in this game, I cannot allow myself to be a dud in something I was great in. Thankfully I'm not a sore loser but bet all you want I will polish my very rusty skills one more time for a well deserved rematch with my friends.

Going back into my college days though, which I could have had someone to tell me not to stress about the competitiveness and focus my energy on polishing my skills instead of cowardly creating anxiety and stressful situations for myself.

College years deserves many many posts, but those will be written eventually, just not tonight.

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